On a lighter nerve...

Few stupid questions that are commonly asked!
Few are borrowed, few are original! Recline and Read!
1. At a funeral, when a teary eyed person asks:-
Q: “Why, why, him of all the people?”
A: “Why, you reckon it should have been you?”
2. When a friend announces she is getting married:-
Q: “Is the guy good?”
A: “Nope, he is a wife-beating paan-chewing Goorkha. It’s just the feeling of security you know.”
3. In a restaurant:-
Q: “Is the Panneer Butter Masala good here?”
A: “No, we adulterate it with cement and we occasionally hold group spitting competitions in it.”
4. When an aunt meets you after a long time:-
Q: “Oh Beta! How big you have grown!?”
A: “Well, you haven’t actually shrunk yourself!”
5. When a friend meets you for the first time after a hair-cut:-
Q: “Hey, you’ve had a haircut?”
A: “Nope, it’s autumn and I am shedding…”
6. When a fat lady with heavy make-up and pointed heals stamps you inside a crowded bus:-
Q: “Oh sorry, did it hurt?”
A: “Nope, I am currently on local anesthesia, you can do it again.”
7. When you meet a friend in a theatre:-
Q: “Hey, what are you doing here?!”
A: “Nothing much, just wanted to check if there was water in the theatre loos…”
8. When you go out, come back home, and call your mom from the land line to tell her you are back:-
Q: “Have you reached home?”
A: “Nope, half my body is still on the way, stuck in traffic…”
9. When you get a call in the middle of the night:-
Q: “Sorry, were you sleeping?”
A: “Nope, I was just researching the consequences when the Amazonian men slept with Central African pygmy women…”